A whole new world

I'm not sure if the title of this post is the best one, but it's what popped in my head to sum up how this last move has made me feel. Since my last post my family has moved back to where I spent the majority of my life, California. We have been here for 5 months and I always get asked how it's going? The answer to that question is, it's been rough. Like our last move we aren't on a base so making friends can sometimes take a little longer than usual but this wasn't the case in Ohio. If you've read my previous post you know that we were blessed to find a church quickly that gave us a beautiful group of friends. That hasn't been the case here. We are still looking for a church home. I thought by now we would have found one that we just click with, but I'm realizing now that that may not be the case.  We have been attending a church regularly that's been "doing the job", but we still don't know if that's the church for us. The other day, I just called out to the Lord and just asked for Him to finally show us where we should be because I don't have a clue. I'm not sure how soon He will show us. For all I know He could be using this time (I'm sure He is) to teach us to depend on Him more and not try to have things on a timeline of how long we should be looking for a church. It's hard waiting to find a church. Five months may not seem like a long time to some people, but for me it is, especially when the time we have here is limited. Our time in Ohio went by really fast and we are suppose to be here for the same amount of time so getting settled for me is kind of a big deal.

 For obvious reasons finding a church is important, but for me it's usually where I find my friends. My husband gets to talk to adults almost every day and I talk to little children because I stay at home with my kids. I'm glad I get to stay home with them, but every stay at home mom knows they need some adult conversation every once in a while. I do know a couple of people here, but I still have not been able to really get connected with people. Part of the problem is me though. I have trouble reaching out sometimes because I'm just weird like that. You know how sometimes you dread making a phone call cause you have no idea what you are going to say, that's me like all the time. If someone reaches out to me it's completely different, I'm more at ease. I know this is obviously something the Lord is trying to change about me because I can't depend on people to always reach out to me because for all I know they can be anxious like me about it. That's why finding a church usually helps the friend making process easier because when you visit, people are usually reaching out to you, but here that hasn't been the case either. I don't know if it's because the churches we have visited have multiple services so there's no time to visit, but we haven't really been able to meet people like we have before. I guess our last church spoiled us in that area because we felt like family with them early on. 

It may seem that I have put all my happiness on finding a church but I don't think people really realize how much they need people in their life. I don't need hundreds of friends but I do need a few in my life. A few weeks back I was wondering why I was feeling down and then I listened to my brother from another mother's message on Community and everything clicked for me. You can listen to it here.

This message was something that I already knew but hearing it at this moment of my life really me aware of how I need community in my life. Again, if you have read previous posts, you also know that I am not very good at expressing my emotions so to say that I need people in my life is a big deal. I'm thankful that the older I get the more the Lord is making me aware of certain things, but man, it can be hard to change when you have been the same way for so long.  He's teaching me it's okay to need people in my life, but He's also teaching me that ultimately my contentment needs to rest in Him. Sure it's great to have friends and hang out, but the reality of it is, I can live here the whole time and not have any close relationships with anyone. I need to learn that how I feel should not rest on what I don't have, how many friends I have, or what I think I'm missing. Social media can play some serious mind tricks on you and make you believe that you are less than or you're not living the good life, but in reality I know that a lot of what you see online is just a front and a lot of people are going through the same things I am going through, they just don't talk about it. Well, I am talking about it! Hiding things only makes how you feel worse and can potentially make other people feel like they don't have it altogether. I do not have it altogether. I am a mess at times and since I have been back here I have felt lonely and frustrated. Frustrated because I haven't found a church, my son has been having trouble in school (that's a whole other post on it's own), I don't know if I am making the right parenting choices, my house is not put together like I want it, I'm constantly battling the same sin in my life and nothing just seems to be in order. Through this frustration though it's where I have learned that most of what I get upset about doesn't matter and my focus needs to be on the Lord and I need to totally depend on Him for contentment and the direction of my life. The only way I am going to grow is through trials. You can't grow if everything in your life is going perfect. It is no fun going through it but I have to remind myself that this is for my good and all it's really doing is drawing me closer to Him (which is definitely for my good)!! God is for me, He is not against me. He is helping me to see what the GOOD life really is.

So I may be in a slightly new world here in California, but I still have the SAME God on my side and I have to remember that He is always here for me. I can cry out to Him about anything. He will always be my friend and He is the only one that can truly satisfy me. Well behaved children, girlfriends, a fantastic home, money, the perfect church (newsflash, there isn't one) those things will not truly satisfy like He will. I just need to fight every day to remember that, so be kind and pray for a sista cause I sho' nuff need it!! Thanks :)