A whole new world

I'm not sure if the title of this post is the best one, but it's what popped in my head to sum up how this last move has made me feel. Since my last post my family has moved back to where I spent the majority of my life, California. We have been here for 5 months and I always get asked how it's going? The answer to that question is, it's been rough. Like our last move we aren't on a base so making friends can sometimes take a little longer than usual but this wasn't the case in Ohio. If you've read my previous post you know that we were blessed to find a church quickly that gave us a beautiful group of friends. That hasn't been the case here. We are still looking for a church home. I thought by now we would have found one that we just click with, but I'm realizing now that that may not be the case.  We have been attending a church regularly that's been "doing the job", but we still don't know if that's the church for us. The other day, I just called out to the Lord and just asked for Him to finally show us where we should be because I don't have a clue. I'm not sure how soon He will show us. For all I know He could be using this time (I'm sure He is) to teach us to depend on Him more and not try to have things on a timeline of how long we should be looking for a church. It's hard waiting to find a church. Five months may not seem like a long time to some people, but for me it is, especially when the time we have here is limited. Our time in Ohio went by really fast and we are suppose to be here for the same amount of time so getting settled for me is kind of a big deal.

 For obvious reasons finding a church is important, but for me it's usually where I find my friends. My husband gets to talk to adults almost every day and I talk to little children because I stay at home with my kids. I'm glad I get to stay home with them, but every stay at home mom knows they need some adult conversation every once in a while. I do know a couple of people here, but I still have not been able to really get connected with people. Part of the problem is me though. I have trouble reaching out sometimes because I'm just weird like that. You know how sometimes you dread making a phone call cause you have no idea what you are going to say, that's me like all the time. If someone reaches out to me it's completely different, I'm more at ease. I know this is obviously something the Lord is trying to change about me because I can't depend on people to always reach out to me because for all I know they can be anxious like me about it. That's why finding a church usually helps the friend making process easier because when you visit, people are usually reaching out to you, but here that hasn't been the case either. I don't know if it's because the churches we have visited have multiple services so there's no time to visit, but we haven't really been able to meet people like we have before. I guess our last church spoiled us in that area because we felt like family with them early on. 

It may seem that I have put all my happiness on finding a church but I don't think people really realize how much they need people in their life. I don't need hundreds of friends but I do need a few in my life. A few weeks back I was wondering why I was feeling down and then I listened to my brother from another mother's message on Community and everything clicked for me. You can listen to it here.

This message was something that I already knew but hearing it at this moment of my life really me aware of how I need community in my life. Again, if you have read previous posts, you also know that I am not very good at expressing my emotions so to say that I need people in my life is a big deal. I'm thankful that the older I get the more the Lord is making me aware of certain things, but man, it can be hard to change when you have been the same way for so long.  He's teaching me it's okay to need people in my life, but He's also teaching me that ultimately my contentment needs to rest in Him. Sure it's great to have friends and hang out, but the reality of it is, I can live here the whole time and not have any close relationships with anyone. I need to learn that how I feel should not rest on what I don't have, how many friends I have, or what I think I'm missing. Social media can play some serious mind tricks on you and make you believe that you are less than or you're not living the good life, but in reality I know that a lot of what you see online is just a front and a lot of people are going through the same things I am going through, they just don't talk about it. Well, I am talking about it! Hiding things only makes how you feel worse and can potentially make other people feel like they don't have it altogether. I do not have it altogether. I am a mess at times and since I have been back here I have felt lonely and frustrated. Frustrated because I haven't found a church, my son has been having trouble in school (that's a whole other post on it's own), I don't know if I am making the right parenting choices, my house is not put together like I want it, I'm constantly battling the same sin in my life and nothing just seems to be in order. Through this frustration though it's where I have learned that most of what I get upset about doesn't matter and my focus needs to be on the Lord and I need to totally depend on Him for contentment and the direction of my life. The only way I am going to grow is through trials. You can't grow if everything in your life is going perfect. It is no fun going through it but I have to remind myself that this is for my good and all it's really doing is drawing me closer to Him (which is definitely for my good)!! God is for me, He is not against me. He is helping me to see what the GOOD life really is.

So I may be in a slightly new world here in California, but I still have the SAME God on my side and I have to remember that He is always here for me. I can cry out to Him about anything. He will always be my friend and He is the only one that can truly satisfy me. Well behaved children, girlfriends, a fantastic home, money, the perfect church (newsflash, there isn't one) those things will not truly satisfy like He will. I just need to fight every day to remember that, so be kind and pray for a sista cause I sho' nuff need it!! Thanks :)

I.G.N.I.T.E

Well, it has been quite some time since I have written anything down on here, but I guess that comes with the territory when you are keeping up with two children instead of one and you are preparing for a move. Plus, I like to write when something has got me really thinking and not to write just to say something. So, I've been thinking a lot lately about my time in Ohio and how it has greatly affected my walk with Christ and the people in the photo above (a few are missing) have A LOT to do with it. PJ and I started going to our church maybe a couple months after we arrived in Ohio and a HUGE reason why we stayed was because of this group of young adults. Until going to this church, it was rare for us to be around people our age with and without kids that really loved the Lord. Of course I knew young adults who went to church, but when I started hanging around this crew I noticed a big difference between them and other people I have come across that go to church. The biggest difference was when we talked about things going on in our life, the conversation all came back to God and what He may be doing in our lives or how we would see our sin affecting our relationship with God. Sometimes I would just sit there and listen to these people speak and think, man, this is AWESOME!!! Awesome because you don't see this very often. Seriously, when you are a believer of Christ it is hard to find friends who believe the same and actually CARE and stand by what they believe, in a world where the last thing people are concerned about is Jesus.  

PJ and I started attending Ignite classes on Sunday mornings and then my wonderful friend Katie asked me about coming to their book study nights at their home two Saturdays out of the month as well. I said yes, of course I would like to come. The first time I went to the book study I was a little bit lost because they were already in the middle of a book, but I was still able to somewhat participate in the discussions. My brother from another mother, Andrew, led the group and everyone else would just chime in. I remember sitting there thinking that this group was out of my league. I mean I was happy to be there but I felt dumb hahaha. I mean there was just some smart cookies in my group and plus the way they talked about the book we were studying and God was just like whoa!! Yeah, I just said that. It was just deep at times. Sometimes I didn't understand why things had to be so deep at times because hey, if God said to do it, we don't need any other reason cause uhhhhh he's God lol However, the more we talked the more things made a lot more sense to me, convicted me more, intrigued me more. I was just sucked in and thought man, where have you guys been all my life? I looked forward to going to Book Study every other week and having fellowship with my new friends. Plus, all the food and free babysitting was nice too lol It was just a great time to learn about God, each other and laugh and cry and ask questions without being judged. Oh man, it was delicious. Plus, after we finished discussions we would just hang out, sometimes until 1 in the morning and guess whose child was still up with us?  Mine, because he never gets tired haha. I just really loved it and grew sooooo much from our time together. I know my husband did as well and for that I am truly thankful because he hasn't been around other young men who love the Lord and care about His Word so that was great for him to be around. 

Sadly, our book study is no longer because EVERYONE LEFT hahaha, can you detect my anger? lol First it started with the Dolphs and the Bruggemans. The picture above was our last big hang out with them. We still had book study but then the Spinks left (punks lol) and so with the leader of our group leaving, book study was over. A good amount of us were still here but I think we all just knew no one could lead the group like Andrew cause he is pretty awesome. Besides, even though most of our group was still here, more were leaving. There are only 4 couples left and guess what? 3 of the 4 are moving in less than a week and of course, I'm in that group. Poor Jackie and Dave, they are the last remnant of our group, sorry guys. 

Anyways, I just wanted to write about this group because they seriously had a HUGE impact on our spiritual growth. We have grown so much from being around them and when book study was no longer we certainly felt the loss. The first few weeks of not having it I kept thinking, why are my Saturdays not busy anymore? I quickly realized why....sigh. I miss and will miss all of these people. We were able to meet with the last of us that are still here at our home before most of us move soon and it was just nice to have a final Saturday hang out and game time while kids were being watched. (thanks Lizzie) Just want all of you to know that I love you and I will always remember our sweet times together. I pray God is and will continue to work in your lives. I'm thankful He put all of you in ours. 

---------

So now I will say the first thing that pops in my head after thinking of each person in this group lol

Athena- my minority sister who laughs right along with me

Drew- wondering if he shakes his head at Athena like PJ when I laugh really loud

Ali- I have always thought you were such a beauty and had a sweet soul

John- You laughing so hard at what I wrote when playing Balderdash, that you were crying

Tim- The Soul Piano Man, I want to sing to your music

Emily- One of the friendliest people I know

Molly- You have the ability to start up a conversation with anyone, such a people person

Matt- Sometimes I had no clue what you were talking about, but I knew it was good lol also I still   

          can't believe you listened to DMX

Kelly- Sweet girl who always made some yummy desserts

Brad- you're not very good at psychiatrist lol

Kelsey- Starbucks runs before church, or stories about how forgot your coffee at home

Candace- Everything rocks your face off!! lol getting the chance to really talk at the ladies retreat

Emmanuel- Andrew always asking you after discussions, so is there anything you want to add

                    Emmanuel

Jackie- your willingness to open up during Book Study, even if that meant shedding a tear or two

Dave-has nothing to do with book study, but all of your potential shark tanks inventions lol

Adam (not pictured)- you my friend, are delicious, thank you for being an awesome friend to my

           husband and being a great influence in his life. I know he loves you.

Rachael (not pictured)- you are lovely and pretty funny

Dave S. (not pictutes)- you are a really sweet guy and always kind and playful with Peanut.

Andrew- My brother from another mother, rocking out at praise and worship rehearsals, powerful 

               speaker

Katie- you know how I feel about you, I love you.

PJ- You're my husband so I don't need to say anything about you hahaha just kidding...I love you, I'm 

       thankful for your willingness to be influenced by those who love the Lord

well that's it folks, thanks for reading......on another funny note, Jackie is pregnant in this picture taken two years ago and she's pregnant now lol